Reaction to the Unexpected

90 days since I left SG..
Let me just type this out while it's still fresh in my mind..

6th May 2015

I was memorizing what's needed for tomorrow's exam.  About to start getting sleepy when I got a message unexpectedly from someone I long forgotten for the past few months.  I ignored, not knowing how to respond to that, but nonetheless feeling a bit rude cause it's just not me to leave a person hanging.  I wouldn't want that happening to me too..  Oh well, but I do left him hanging for a while until I'm done and over with the paper.

7th May 2015

I sat for my last paper of my 2nd exam of my 1st uni year.  Complicated much?  Haha!

You don't wanna know how much complicated was the paper!!  Heyh..  Even so, I felt relieved that 2nd exams are finally over!  And I'm done with it now, Alhamdulillah.. Only that the results came out not so impressively.. hmm.  Must work double hard there girl!  Insya Allah..

Well, back from the exam, I walked to the nearest desert shop available just to treat myself for getting the stress over at least for now.  Walking back was hard cause I know I could have done much better for the paper... but it was all over, not worth my headache.

While enjoying my precious 1 dinar chocolate cake, a message entered.  It was a nudge from the ignored, checking on me.  Worried maybe?  But maybe not too.. hmm.

Again, I ignored.  As discussed with my 'advisor'.

Later at night, there comes another message.  Apparently I sent a reply to the wrong recipient.. jengjengjeng..!  So well, the careless me reluctantly replied as a sign of courtesy and respect, not more, not less.

We chatted.  When he later called me again and again..  We argued, we fight, but later changed the mood of the conversation.  Did some catching up and stuffs.. just like old days, without the feelings.  It was totally different, fortunately we were still able to communicate well or things might be worst.

I find myself sinking into our memories.. but ignored them knowing what's past can never be brought back the same again.  And I wasn't expecting any..

4 hours talk, from 6+pm to 10+pm here.  We're definitely crazy.  Talked so much, ignoring the time and people around me especially.  

The hang up.  I wasn't expecting anything, like I said before.. but upon knowing that I'll be going on a day staycation, he requested photos of my trip.  And I thought, why not cause I'll definitely be sending photos to my family too..

08th May 2015

I did just that!  When done with work, reply came in..  We were having our time alone, after dinner, snapping as much photos as possible, absorbing the sceneric view, and of course resting after an exhausting dip in the pool from 10 to 4pm...

We exchanged words for long until the bus arrived to fetch us home at 9pm.  I was enjoying the company.  This is bad, I told myslef.  I'm gonna get hurt again.. so I keep my distance enough.

09th May 2015

I know I can't hold on to this kind of -ship (I don't even know if we are friends).  As always, I am comparing myself well to a spare tyre. Through the sleepy morning, this sleepyhead slept through the morning, only waking up at 11am.

The day passed quickly even though I didn't do much.  Not even a sweet drink!

I accepted the fact that it's over (I'm teary now as I type), and that the company won't be long.  All will be back to what it was before.

At dinner, (crying but holding on to it as much as I canas I type) I don't even feel like eating but have to.. so there goes my 2 dinar for a beef steak sandwich, with an episode of One Warm Word waiting to be played.

A message comes in.  It was... that person again, breaking the wall I built the whole day to keep myself up and going (well just the after effects and it's totally normal).  A few words, before I was asked to finish dinner.  I did just that, surprisingly.  This time really floating in the air, following the wind blowing.

The call came.. and we talked about the day.  Mostly his day and experiences, plus mine from the past months.  A relationship 'advise' session was in too,  Less than 3 hours this time as it was late over the other side.  Following the flow as always, I was in no position to talk more that supposed.  Easy said, I kept my distance well.  But that feeling.. it was familiar.  Didn't know I still have thaem in me..  Bad?  Hmm... not for me to judge now.

Well, need to tell myself it's not the same again, and never will be.  So dream not, girl!  Focus on your finals~ then you're near home!!  Insya Allah.. amiin!

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Yup, that's all for this entry.. nothing much to share.  Just something I'd like to jot down as a personal note.

Yours sincerely,

'Izzah Syauqina